Aging in Place

Most people want to “age in place,” grow old in their own home with their friends, neighbors and families involved in their lives. Most folks want to continue shopping at the stores they like, attending their own church, using their own hair stylist, and participating in their regular groups and clubs.

At the same time people want all of these things, many fear and dread the time when keeping their lives the way they want to means getting help from other people. They dread it because they feel that depending on other people is a sacrifice of their independence. They dread it because they fear being a burden to those they love. They dread it because it reminds them of their mortality.

This dread and fear can result in failing to plan and prepare relationships, homes, and finances. This failure to prepare often results in the outcome people fear most…having to go to a nursing home or move from their home to a family member’s home.

This article will be the first installment in a three part series devoted to providing strategies for helping you prepare to “age in place.” First, we will address how to go about preparing relationships.

When people think about preparing their relationships, it is important to consider spouses or significant others, people who can be natural supports and children or other interested family members.

Begin with your spouse or significant other. First, have a frank discussion with him or her about their dreams for aging. It is important to compare and contrast their desires to yours and work to reconcile any differences. Once you agree upon a plan to meet both of your needs and desires, consider who you have in your life who could easily and naturally support you.

Work to anticipate what kinds of help you will need from others as you encounter changes in your health, changes in your ability to drive and changes in the way you process sensory information, vision, hearing, taste, balance, etc. Thinking about how your skills and abilities may change over time, will help you indentify those people and organizations who can be natural supports for you as you age.

Finally, prepare your children or other family members by discussing your goals and dreams for aging in place. You should share your vision of how you’d like your life to “look” as you “age in place.” Include the supports you have identified to help make it happen and the role you would like for family members to play in the process.

Remember, this is a discussion, not a mandate. Keep in mind that your family members love you and want you to live the life you love, but they also have lives of their own and dreams of their own. Their vision of their roles in your life may or may not line up with their vision of their own lives. So, be open to working, with your family, so everyone accomplishes their goals. The synergy that occurs with this process can be an amazing tool for strengthening family relationships.